Each week I bring you the top stories in the auto industry along with my commentary or sometimes amusing thoughts about the craziness that goes on in the world of cars.
Stories you’ll find today:
- Rent, Return, Regret: Hertz’s AI Scans for Scuffs and Profits
- From Badges to Burnouts: Florida Sheriff Busted in Lambo Race?
- Rolling Violations: Chicago PD’s Greatest Hits (Literally)
- Jaguar Rebrands Into Oblivion: Now Selling Vibes Instead of Vehicles
Rent, Return, Regret: Hertz’s AI Scans for Scuffs and Profits. Hertz has begun rolling out artificial intelligence-powered vehicle inspection systems at select U.S. locations using scanning tech developed by UVeye. The system performs rapid 360-degree scans of returning rental cars, automatically detecting tire scuffs, minor dents, scratches, or body damage, even in hard-to-see areas. Hertz says the goal is faster, more consistent inspections—but customers say it’s more like automated upcharging. Some renters are being billed hundreds of dollars for damage they claim wasn’t visible, wasn’t disclosed, or possibly wasn’t even there. One poor soul was hit with a $440 bill for a one-inch scratch, which Hertz’s new UVeye system flagged like it had just uncovered a criminal conspiracy. The scanner, capable of inspecting your rental like it’s auditioning for CSI: Wheel Damage Unit, checks everything from the undercarriage to your dignity, then auto-generates a repair invoice faster than you can say “Wait, what scratch?” The breakdown: $250 for the repair, $125 for "processing," and $65 for “admin,” which we assume covers the AI’s emotional labor. If you dispute the charge, you're told to email someone who might get back to you in ten business days, assuming the robot overlords haven’t taken over by then. But don’t worry—they’ll give you a discount if you admit guilt immediately, like some kind of digital plea deal: $52 off if you cave in 48 hours, because nothing says customer service like a ticking clock and veiled threats. Social media is now lit up with stories of Hertz AI scanning rental cars with more scrutiny than TSA gives a carry-on full of shampoo, and customers are starting to wonder if their next trip will include a court date. If this keeps up, drivers may begin renting scooters just to avoid AI’s watchful gaze—or maybe Hertz will start charging for emotional damage, too.
From Badges to Burnouts: Florida Sheriff Busted in Lambo Race? A Florida sheriff who once pounded the podium about his department’s “zero tolerance” stance on street racing is now making headlines for allegedly doing his best Fast & Furious audition in a borrowed Lamborghini Huracán, which, to be fair, is the kind of car that makes even mall cops feel like Vin Diesel on a caffeine bender. While Sheriff Carmine Marceno of Lee County has previously grandstanded with seized cars and social media speeches warning of arrests and impoundments for illegal street racing, he’s now the subject of an internal investigation after video surfaced showing him rocketing down a causeway in Fort Myers Beach allegedly drag-racing a bright green Huracán against a blue McLaren because nothing says “law and order” like launching a $240,000 supercar down public roads in a very unofficial version of Cars & Coffee. The irony here is thicker than a Florida summer—this is the same sheriff whose department used civil forfeiture to take race-modified vehicles off the road while issuing stern warnings about “putting lives at risk,” yet here he is allegedly channeling his inner 16-year-old with a learner’s permit and a Red Bull sponsorship. When asked about it, the department issued a vague statement saying they’re looking into it which is PR speak for “please stop asking questions while we figure out if our boss just smoked a McLaren on camera.” The sheriff has not been charged and maintains his innocence though the dash cam—or phone cam—footage circulating online seems to suggest a certain V10-fueled enthusiasm for the open road, and while some locals are laughing it off as “just Florida things,” others are wondering if the next big bust will involve confiscating the sheriff’s sunglasses and badge if the investigation finds he did, in fact, go full Need for Speed while on the job and off the clock.
Rolling Violations: Chicago PD’s Greatest Hits (Literally). In the latest episode of Law & Disorder: Chicago Edition, a police cruiser blew through a stop sign like it was auditioning for a “Fast & the Frivolously Unaccountable” sequel, T-boned an unsuspecting Chevy Equinox that had the audacity to obey traffic laws, sent both vehicles careening into a row of parked cars like a low-budget stunt, and somehow still managed to ticket the driver they smashed into. Yes, really. According to the video that absolutely no one in CPD seems interested in watching, the officer didn’t even glance at the red octagon before treating it like just an optional suggestion and launching through the intersection full speed. The Equinox had already come to a full stop, entered the intersection, and was halfway across when—boom—welcome to Chicago’s new take on “serve and protect” where the “protect” part is apparently reserved for each other’s liability. But wait, it gets better. Rather than issuing themselves a citation for “reckless impersonation of a demolition derby,” police decided the real problem was that the Equinox driver didn’t possess insurance. So instead of helping the injured, they slapped him with citations and a side of blame. The officer's crash report? A surreal novella claiming the Equinox hit them. Sure, and donuts are vegetables. Meanwhile, the video evidence and even Google Street View confirm what anyone with eyes, a pulse, or a high school understanding of right-of-way can see: the cruiser had the only stop sign and blew it like a trumpet. To round out this civic symphony of face-palming absurdity, the victims—including a family of five in a parked VW Taos—were carted off to the hospital while the officer got to radio in that everything was “under control,” which in Chicago apparently means “narrative secured, consequences denied.” So far there’s no sign of disciplinary action, remorse, or reality setting in—just silence from the department and a collective shrug that suggests traffic laws are more of a suggestion than a rule when the lights on your roof go “whoop-whoop.” As for the Equinox driver? He now gets to explain to his insurance company why getting obliterated by a government vehicle still resulted in his citations. At this rate, the city may want to update the official traffic handbook to include a new rule: if you see a police car, forget what you know about right-of-way and just assume you’re the one doing it wrong. Tsk tsk guys. Do better.
Jaguar Rebrands Into Oblivion: Now Selling Vibes Instead of Vehicles. Jaguar’s attempt to become the next Apple of the car world is going about as well as a cat in a swimming pool—sales just fell 98% in Europe after a rebrand so abstract even their dealers aren’t sure if they still sell cars or conceptual art. Gone are the leaping cats and in are cryptic slogans like “Copy Nothing” and launch videos where leather-clad dancers pirouette across Mars but never once show a steering wheel. Potential buyers have responded with confusion, horror, and in some cases audible laughter as they ask sales staff, “but… where are the cars?” while the only answer is usually “we’re pivoting to a vision.” The new all-electric GT flagship was promised for late 2025 but until then the lot is mostly tumbleweeds, leftover F-Paces, and one intern wearing a scarf that says “Vivid.” Jaguar insists this is a strategic pause as they go “all-in” on EVs and minimalism, but customers seem to prefer their luxury brands with, well, cars, and it turns out replacing your lineup with metaphors and neon doesn’t move metal. One poor dealer reportedly tried to draw a car on an iPad just to reassure a shopper it still existed, meanwhile corporate is popping champagne over website traffic and “brand buzz.” Even longtime Jaguar fans are trading in loyalty for something that doesn’t require decoding. At this point the only thing keeping Jaguar on the radar is the slow-motion spectacle of a historic brand wandering into a design thesis and forgetting how to exit. If the new EV GT actually shows up by year’s end and turns out to be more car than an interpretive dance, they might still land on their feet like any good cat, but for now Jaguar is less “grace, pace, and space” and more “wait, is this performance art?”
Photo Credit: UVeye.
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